I have a question to you all and want to get and understand your perspective on this:
What’s the difference between the pain a woman’s mouth can cause a man, opposed to the pain a hands hand can cause a woman other than the obvisou physical marks?
It’s almost like a man gets in trouble for the bruises and marks left on her skin, but because you cannot see the bruises and marks on a mans heart from her words, it goes unseen.
Is there truly a difference and what makes one worse than the other?
Interesting perspective, Dimitri. While I appreciate your analogy with respect to the traditional hurt and 'weapons' between a man and a woman, I suggest that either can assume the other and the weapon of choice isn't always stereotyped by gender.
ReplyDeleteI'll begin, however, by addressing the query you posed. I'm also going to go out on a limb and assume you are not advocating physical abuse of a woman, or a man in a relationship. Both scars have potential for lasting impact and both have potential for destroying lives and self esteem. Both are forms of abuse and intolerable. Impact is measured in 'amount of force' by the offender and both, if continued without want, are abuse.
I would concur that physical abuse is most definitely higher on the radar with respect to legal pursuit, however, verbal abuse can be considered harassment and punishable by law, as well. Again, each is measured in force applied. You will always have those who argue physical abuse has the potential to take a life at the hand of another and is, therefore, far worse. Obviously, it is easier to document and prove. I don't think anyone has died of a broken or wounded heart, but certainly can result in suicide if the pain is that great.
I honestly don't believe that abuse, of any kind, is healthy and should be tolerated in a relationship, but again go back to my initial statement that abuse (verbal and physical) can be equally doled out by either gender. Many times men hold power over women through the words spoken -- verbal abuse. And, while not the norm, there are women who physically abuse their man. Both can be very degrading and have lasting harm whether targeted at a woman, or a man.
My only argument, Dimitri, is that the pain from either weapon can be initiated by either gender -- I concur the potential for lasting impact exists but from both forms of abuse.
Yes I agree that either sex can initiate either type of pain however, I will challenge one of your statements:
ReplyDelete“You will always have those who argue physical abuse has the potential to take a life at the hand of another and is, therefore, far worse. Obviously, it is easier to document and prove. I don’t think anyone has died of a broken or wounded heart, but certainly can result in suicide if the pain is that great.”
To me this is 100% false, contrary to your statement, most fights, conflicts and wars are caused and initiated by “words”. So in effect there is a direct casual relationship: war > fight > injury/death as to punch > injury/death. Many have died from broken hearts, how many ex-girlfriends, cheating husbands, or psycho mates have been taken out their counterpart all in the name of “love” or a “broken heart”? That kind of pain is actually more likely to be expressed outwardly that inwardly resulting less in “suicide”
I will also challenge and state that verbal abuse IS just as easily “documented” as physical abuse but ironically ignored. Sure a bruise heals in a few weeks, but a negative name last forever in the mind. Don’t get me wrong both are VERY, VERY bad, but I feel that verbal abuse is underrated and not given enough consideration. There are many things I have been called that I would have rather nursed a bruise over instead of hearing what I did...Of course I am sure that is personal preference :)
We have some assumptions here that need to be righted. First, you assume that the language in paragraph three is that which I support. Quite the contrary. I concur that most fights -- between two people or countries -- are the result of perspective and words. My point was simply, in general day to day living, that physical abuse of an individual at the hands of another is more readily recognized and supported than verbal abuse by society. It typically takes a longer path to document and prove verbal abuse. The perspective was not mine. I didn't say it was reality, rather what was supported by societal terms.
ReplyDeleteSecond, My comment that no one has died from a broken heart was taken out of context -- my reference was immediate death to the individual by that individual purely by the words themselves, not as a precursor to a subsequent action or abuse. Your reference is outward and, in my opinion, physical abuse by the offender.
Third, your challenge that verbal abuse is easily documented was misconstrued. My reference of documentation was to society, not internal. I agree we each catalog and live the hurt caused us at the hands of another. The force of those words determines the impact had.
Again, it is my opinion that both physical abuse and verbal abuse are wrong -- each is personal with the impact unique to the individual based on 'force' of the abuse. Both have the potential to impact feelings, bodily harm and life. There are times when the physical abuse is far worse to an individual than the verbal, and times that the verbal abuse far outweighs the impact of physical. It is more so about personal journey, experience and tolerance. My perspective looks at interaction between two people rather than the masses, Dimitri, and weighing of the force of the abuse to the individual.
ooooo! take THAT Dimitri - she told you!!! :)
ReplyDeleteMr. Dimitri.....my my my, very heavy and loaded questions.
ReplyDeleteNumber one you do have to realize that a woman's words may come constant and frequent and repeatedly. Let's call that nagging, it's like a fly buzzing at your ear, all you want to do is bat is away. Annoying, Irritating, and yes, once we reach that breaking point, if you were brought up, it's okay to hit, that's what will happen, no doubt. There is no comparison with the verbal or physical abuse or the gender, both do it, and both are WRONG!
A bit of found facts firstly.
Question:
Statistics on the number of women abused VS the number of men abused?
Answer:
It depends where you live. I live in Canada and volunteer for the Abused Women's Centre. There are far more women abused than men, but, there are men also that are abused.
Men are more often unwilling to come forward on abuse issues directed at them because they fear no one will believe them, well here it is as clear as can be:
If a man is brought up by his parents that it's not alright to hit a woman, and he marries a woman who can be on the violent side, then even if she strikes him or throws herself at him in fight, he will back off. I have seen men who have been physically bruised, broken bones and teeth missing not to mention black eyes. Is he chicken? Not at all. He only did one wrong thing ... get out!
I am happy to say that there are groups for battered men as well as battered women.
Still, women take the worst of it all and there are by far more abused women and children out there. Statistics change drastically from day to day.
Verbal abuse versus physical, always remember, if it's a guage you are looking for, while that child, man, woman or animal is being abused physically, I can bet you, very mean and abusive words (verbal) are coming with that hit or hits. So if the woman as you put it, is the verbal abuser, and the man is the physical abuser, that woman is getting a double dose of verbal & physical, a man will NEVER experience, if never been hit himself.
Here is a very good site: http://www.endabuse.org/resources/facts/
Good Luck! Knowledge is also key....and get some help for your freind ;)
Dimitri,
ReplyDeleteIt appears that, for once, we largely agree. Not that this really needs to be said, but I obviously don't advocate violence against anyone at anytime. However, that doesn't mean that there aren't instances when someone (man or woman) deserves to get a swift punch.
The larger issue here, and I think it lies at the heart of your original post, deals with gender equality. For all the talk about this concept, it doesn't really exist. In this instance, the male is generally on the loosing end of the argument, but there are a whole host of occurrences where the female gets short changed on the equality issue.
All I'm saying is that both sides in the gender battle either need to except the inherent differences that are supposed to exist, or rise above them and actually step up to a plain of equality. It's called progress (and no, I'm not referring to progress as gaining the ability to freely beat whomever you wish). It can't go on forever in this ambiguous middle ground where there is this "Equality, except when..." mentality.
AJ,
ReplyDeleteYea I agree and can settle for men getting "slighted" in this situation. Generally speaking - physical no woman can ever beat up a man so if he is already superior to her physically - why hit?
Bottom line is if your with someone and feel you need to hit male or female it’s time to go - same with perpetually yelling.