Monkey-dolphins are man’s best friend - whether they’re swimming in your bathtub, swinging from your chandelier or simply enjoying a sea banana. I’ve often dreamt of having another pet monkey-dolphin but it just wouldn’t be the same. Rest in peace, Mr. Flipper Bubbles.
I check the zipper on my fly so much that it looks like I’m constantly poking my crotch. People give me funny looks when I do it and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I accompany the poke by yelling, “Observe my genitalia, commoners!”
I saw a bumper sticker that states, “Only when the last tree has died and the final river is dry will man learn he cannot eat money.” Which really offends me. Especially since I was eating a money sandwich at the time.
You know how sometimes your internet stops working? Because your Ethernet cable is unplugged? Because you tried to get the Internet in your body? Because you’re drunk and lonely?
Lunchables has a new line of products called “Maxed Out” that features “Ultimate Nachos” and is sponsored by Xbox 360. The only way lunchtime can get any more extreme for kids is to serve razorblade burgers and fire cookies. Are you listening, Kraft? Please lift your restraining order - I have new ideas!
The Lunchables deep-dish pizza actually features pepperoni flavored sausage, which boggles my mind. Sausage is already a flavor and so is pepperoni. That’s like making a peanut butter and jelly-flavored ham sandwich. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must take a shower-simulated bath and listen to perfume-scented music.
Feel better now, do we? LMAO...love the randomness of thought and pure quirkiness that is you...as only you can so eloquently and 'in your face' articulate!!!
ReplyDeleteTake that, take that, take that. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Dimitri,
ReplyDeleteI know that I'm late but Happy belated birthday!! Also, wanted to let you know that I've missed our discussions as well, awwww :)...
Let me know how accurate the following is...
Aquarius is the eleventh Sign of the Zodiac, and Aquarians are the perfect representatives for the Age of Aquarius. Those born under this Sign have the social conscience needed to carry us into the new millennium. These folks are humanitarian, philanthropic and keenly interested in making the world a better place. Along those lines, they'd like to make the world work better, which is why they focus much of their energy on our social institutions and how they work (or don't work). Aquarians are visionaries, progressive souls who love to spend time thinking about how things can be better. They are also quick to engage others in this process, which is why they have so many friends and acquaintances. Making the world a better place is a collaborative effort for Aquarians.
The Sign of Aquarius is symbolized by the Water Bearer. In much the same way that the Water Bearer brings that precious liquid as a gift, Aquarians shower the world with their thoughts and new ideas. Luckily for Aquarians (and the rest of us), they are at a near-genius level, so their minds churn out some amazing things. Their thought process is also inventive and original. While Aquarians are happy to bestow these ideas as a gift with no strings attached, they are much happier when the rest of the world agrees with them. Naysayers will quickly find out that Aquarians can be impatient, even temperamental, with those who disagree. Yes, these folks can be quite fixed in their opinions, in keeping with the Fixed Quality assigned to this Sign. Even though Aquarians are happy to give, and they do, it's often on their terms and within their comfort level. Generally, that means ample space, since these folks are freedom-loving and individualistic and need to roam (and yes, they do enjoy travel). While Aquarians are generally sympathetic and compassionate, they like it when things go their own quirky way. Some might call their behavior eccentric (and they would be right), but when you consider that the Aquarian's heart is truly in the right place, a few oddities should be overlooked. In their own way, Aquarians treasure their many friends and acquaintances and want to give back as much as they can.
hmmmm....