"Peeing" Types

I pay allot of attention to my surroundings when I go to use the restroom. I like to get in, do my business, and get out, at least when I'm urinating. Pooping is a whole other ballgame. But even with my "hit, run and wash" urination breaks, I can't help but notice that there are several different techniques men use when standing at the urinal, and I believe the technique used, speaks volumes about that person.

Here are my Top Ten Urinators:

Number 10: The Germaphobe - these are the guys that apply Purell to their hands before entering the bathroom, they then proceed directly to the urinal, taking extra care not to touch anything. I think if they could, they would "will" their fly open and withdraw their man meat out with mind-powers rather than touch it with their bare hands. They will perform a complete medical washing from at least the elbows down, will use a paper towel to open the doors and will apply more Purell upon exiting the bathroom.

Number 9: The Efficiency Expert - This is the guy who will start unbuttoning and pants and unzipping his fly before he is even at the urinal. At best he will give one quick jerk the second the urine stream is finished and then will button and zip back up as he is walking to the sink. He doesn't care if anyone sees his man meat and he occasionally will have a small urine stain on the front of his trousers.

Number 8: The Homophobe - This is the guy who, even if his bladder is about to explode, will follow the strict code of having at least 1 empty urinal between him and any other urinator. If he can't do that he will leave and peeing his pants will be well worth not having to stand so close to another man with his man meat out. If he can secure a urinal with adequate buffer space, if possible he will point away from any other urinator so as to minimize even further, the possibility that the other guy will look at his man meat.

Number 7: The Prankster - This is the guy who is about 35 but still acts like he is in high school.

Number 6: The Exhibitionist - This is the guy who can make even the most homophobic urinator stop in his tracks and take a good hard look at him, because his piss comes out at the ferocious rate of a fire-hose and it just keeps coming out for minutes and minutes. This urinator will always use the urinal that has water in the bottom of it for maximum effect. I do hope the grapefruit-sized prostate this guy has is worth all the attention he gets in the bathroom.

Number 5: The Fat Guy With Little Penis - You can always tell if a fat guy has a little penis because he's the one that is hunched over when he's peeing. See his arms have to reach around his enormous belly and then have further to reach because his jimmy is so little. This is the guy who normally leaves a big pool of piss on the floor in front of a urinal, because he can barely reach his man meat let alone aim it.

I'll pause here to explain one other observation. Men pee on the floor; a lot. One way you can tell is look at the carpet outside a men's room verses the carpet outside a women's room. The men's room carpet looks more warn and faded. This is because of the high urine content in it that has been tracked onto that carpet on the bottom of their shoes. Think about that next time you're picking up your husband's shoes or your little kids are playing with dad's shoes. But anyway...

Number 4: The Concentrator - Either because he's exhausted, hung-over or has a urinary tract infection this guy has to focus just a little more when he pees. He is the guy who is steadying himself with a hand firmly pressed against the wall above the urinal while his other hand is controlling his man meat. Being a Fat Guy With Little Penis I have found that this is the best technique to avoid the pitfalls of number 5 above.

Number 3: The Maestro - This is the guy who likes to get all of his business done at the urinal. If he needs to he will spit in the urinal as he approaches it, as well as several times throughout his urination, he will also pass gas, pick his nose, scratch his ass and anything else that can be done while peeing. It has the effect of him looking like a grand master orchestra conductor or a meth addict depending on how he's dressed.

Number 2: The Beta-Male Urinator - This is the guy who once his man meat is out will place his free hand on his waist, proud of his above average sized jimmy, his ease at getting his man meat free of his trousers and secure in his manhood, he stands proudly at the urinal with eyes forward, steadfast and secure yet still conscientious enough to know that sometimes, accidents happen so he keeps one hand firmly on his penis, just in case.

Number 1: The Alpha-Male Urinator - This is the guy who once his man meat is out will place both of his hands on his waist and looks forward yet slightly upward as if gazing on the promising future that stands before him. Unlike the inferior Beta-Male Urinator this man has no fear when it comes to urinating because accidents do not happen, at least not to someone like him. This is the man who can pee at any urinal for any amount of time with whatever intensity he chooses without any fear of germs or homos or peeing on the floor. He is above all such things. This is a man in complete control of his destiny.

I hate this man most of all. This is the man that I want to walk up behind and kick him in the man meat as hard as I can. I've seen several guys pee like this. They were the star quarterback in High School. They are the ones at age 40 still have all their hair and only a touch of gray that makes them look more regal. They are the ones with the huge homes and no mortgage, the expensive German automobiles with no payments or leases. The hot wives and mistresses with no "Honey-do" lists.

Anyway, sorry, kind of went off there for a minute. So anyway, these are my observations when it comes to how men urinate. Have a great afternoon!!